Becoming by Danielle Ione

Author:Danielle Ione [Ione, Danielle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2016-05-31T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter Nineteen

Cambria

What was I doing? Why in the hell was I walking away from Lily? I had to have been insane, and in that moment, I knew it to be true. I wasn’t sure I was even in control of my actions because one kiss from her and everything was flipped upside down.

My legs had a mind of their own as they practically sprinted away from the dance floor, my heart reaching the opposite way, in the direction of Lily. I needed air, or maybe space, or, hell, I didn’t know what I needed because nothing was making sense. Because I wanted to kiss her, and I did, I kissed her back with everything I had in me, but the moment I realized my feelings for her weren’t some fleeting misunderstanding in my brain, I panicked. It wasn’t one of my finer moments, but there were too many things going on in my brain to make the right decision. So I ran. I ran with the intention of hiding, and I ran because I couldn’t deal. I ran because I didn’t trust myself to think things through. Being with Lily felt good, too good, and there had to be a downfall to it. In my head, that downfall was me. It was always me.

As I walked, I couldn’t stop myself from looking over my shoulder, glancing back at her beautiful face, and registering the look of hurt and shock on it. I wanted to turn around and run toward her, apologizing, but I had no words. Everything in my head was jumbled. What could I say to her that would explain it when I had no idea why I walked away to begin with. I was too scared to know, because opening up that box in my mind would mean more than realizing my feelings for Lily—it would bring back all of those feelings of inadequacy, of pain, of my past. It was too much.

I surged forward toward the shady tree area, and took a deep breath, willing my shaking hands to cease. I tried my grounding technique, but closing my eyes was no help; thinking of things I could see, touch, feel, smell, it all lead me back to Lily and what we shared in that kiss. Because it was more than just our lips melding together; it was passion and heat and feelings all mixed in. It meant more than just a peck on the lips, and a brush of skin on skin. It meant more. And more was so incredibly dangerous.

The crunch of dirt underneath her shoes caused my stomach to jump into my throat and when her hands wrapped around my arm, turning me toward her, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to face this head on, I was a coward, I knew that.

“Cambria, talk to me.” She pleaded with me, but my eyes remained shut as I tried to push the panic down further so it didn’t boil over. I didn’t want her to see the hurt I was feeling.

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